jc

Posts tagged homesick

I think I had my first episode of being truly homesick today. But, even if I could snap my fingers and go back, I don’t know where I would go.
There is nowhere that feels as much as home as my backpack anymore. I have memories of past lives.. I guess that’s what I miss; they are comfortable, familiar ideas. Going “back” is not a place, but a time. But even though they offer me comfort, I would not trade living them again for living my life as it is now. Perhaps what I feel is not homesickness, but merely discomfort.

Part of it came from loneliness. A bigger part came from a realization of yet a deeper level of “oh shit, I actually left and my life is completely different now”. Before, it was just about the fact that I actually did it. Now, it is the understanding that this is something permanent.

It’s dumb, but part of that realization came from my experience today with trying to find a decent internet connection here. After that post, I went to the mall and talked to a guy at the Globe store (a local telecom/broadband provider) and found out more bad news. Then I went to a so-called “mexican” restaurant that had a disappointingly local menu. Stupid small things can be tremendous.